A Phone for Pranks
by Heh Choke On This Puppy
Summary: Zim learns of prank phone calling, and comes to the conclusion that humans are easily fooled. He and GIR plan to make silly prank phone calls, but what the heck will they get into? [FINISHED! PWEEEASE REVIEW!]
1. TV can be quite an influence

-Disclaimer-  
  
As most of you probably know, I do not own any of these characters. All Zim characters and stuff belong to the one and only Jhonen Vasquez [As I'm hoping everyone should know], and I own nothing but the plot and stupidity of this story. I'm a penniless kid attempting to achieve a life by writing stories. Someone help me, it's not working.  
  
-On to the story-  
  
GIR sat on the couch, remote control in hand, eyes glued to the television screen. The Scary Monkey Show had temporarily been held off air for classified reasons, and so the TV screen was displaying a white-lettered message against a bright blue background that read, "We are sorry, but this station is temporarily unavailable. Please check back later."  
  
Zim sauntered into the room and stared at GIR, then looked toward the TV. "… What are you doing, GIR?" he asked incredulously.  
  
GIR waved a hand toward Zim. "Shhhh! Don't talk! This is a good part!" he squealed, leaning forward. He raised his hands to his mouth and his eyes widened. "No, Margaret, NO! Don't go in there! He's gotta gun! You gotta go save the doggie!"  
  
Zim looked toward the TV. "Margaret? What kind of filthy pig worm is Margaret? I see no Margaret."  
  
GIR shushed him again, irritated. "Not now, master! She's going to kiss Danny. Oh, no, Margaret! Can't you see he's using you?! DON'T KISS `EM! KISS ME!!" GIR leapt off the couch and slammed himself into the TV, slobbering all over the screen, while Zim watched with confusion and pity.  
  
"I'm not going to let you watch this, GIR," Zim decided, snatching the remote control and flipping the channel. "You'll get more stupid than you are already."  
  
GIR burst into tears. "But I wanna see what happens to Margaret! I have to see what happens to Margaret!" Zim ignored him and sat down on the couch, glaring at the TV screen.  
  
On the TV screen, three girls sat on a bed. One of the girls had a phone in her lap. She picked it up, dialed a random number, and raised the phone to her ear. There were a few seconds, and then a man picked up.  
  
"Hi!" the girl greeted. "My name is Suzanne Miller from your local radio station, 623535252145.5 WYF! I have called to inform you that you have just won $100,000,000,000,000,000 dollars!"  
  
"How did you get my number?" the guy asked skeptically, and then took the girl's words into thought. "$100,000,000,000,000,000 bucks?! Oh, man! Wow! Did I enter this contest or something? I don't remember entering anything."  
  
The girl held back a giggle. "Oh, no, sir, we picked someone random out of your community, and, well, that happened to be you! Congratulations, sir!" She thought for a second. "Please date me!"  
  
"Date you?" the guy asked, bewildered. "Why would I date you? I just want the prize."  
  
The girl faked a gasp. "Oh, I knew you used me!" she screamed. "It's all your fault! No money for you!" She slammed the phone down and the group of girls broke into crazed giggles.  
  
"That was a great prank phone call, Naomi!" one of the girls screamed between fits of laughter.  
  
Zim snorted. "These humans take pleasure in doing the most pointless things," he remarked, "and are very gullible. Hmmm. If they are gullible, it would be easy to fool them… GIR! We are going to try this… prank phone calling thing… Perhaps we will be able to do something successful."  
  
Zim grabbed GIR, and snatched the phone off it's hook.  
  
Yes, due to my lack of life, I must say this, "To be continued." 


	2. And we move onward, to the pranks, baby,...

-Disclaimer-  
  
Once again, I must remind you that the only thing my filthy hands possess of this story is the plot, and the characters who are not characters of Invader Zim. Hopefully you have gotten the point by now.  
  
-Note-  
  
I am sorry that I have stalled so long in producing the next chapter, though I am unsure of how many actually care. : ) Make me happy and R and R. I know I need help, but, eh. Don't we all?  
  
-On to the story-  
  
Zim raised the phone to where his ear would be, if he had one, of course, and dialed a random number as the group of screwed up girls had done previously. Two rings, and someone whipped up the phone.  
  
"Hello?" a gruff voice barked, and Zim cleared his throat.  
  
"Greetings, jellybean man," he said, fishing random words from his mind, "I noticed the two dogs in your backyard have been devouring a little girl's plastic wrap. That is not good. Zim commands you to stop that nonsense!"  
  
"Two dogs? Little girl? Plastic wrap? What are you talking about, kid?" the man asked, irritated.  
  
Zim growled with anger. "You shall obey Zim this very instant! Please visit the Membrane household and kill the one called The Dib. He is the cause of all your issues! Farewell, stinkworm!" Zim slammed the phone down, and at this point, I must pause in the story, for about one million Dib fan girls are taking care to burn me at the stake for having myself have Zim summon death upon him, though most likely, the man does not even know who in Jack's name Dib is. At the least, they have agreed to let me use my computer and move onward with the story as I am bound to the stake.  
  
"Hmmm. That was entertaining, GIR," Zim said thoughtfully as he picked up the phone once again. GIR, however, wanted his share of 'entertainment' as well, and snatched the phone from Zim's gloved hands.  
  
"My turn!" GIR squealed, and slammed his fist on the keypad of the telephone, which somehow, by rare chance, issued a perfect line of seven numbers, and as GIR held to the phone to HIS non existent ear, he heard the faint ringing of the other line.  
  
The phone was soon picked up, this time by some teenage boy. "Hello?" he asked.  
  
"WHY did ya dump meh?" GIR squealed, and burst into tears. The boy seemed startled. "Caroline? Is this you?"  
  
GIR ignored him, and only continued weeping. "You went to Margaret! You killed Margaret! Why would you do that? WHY?! Come kiss me and gimmie a taco, pwease!"  
  
"Um, um, I'm sorry, I really am, Carol… I didn't mean it to be this way! And(waitasec, who in the world is Margaret?"  
  
"I LIKE FISH AND MOOSE, I HOPE YOU ENJOY YOUR MEAL!" GIR giggled, gently putting the phone back into place. He turned to Zim, sticking his tongue out of his mouth and grinning stupidly.  
  
"Umm… Good work, GIR," Zim said uncertainly, and turned to face the phone once again, when an idea struck his MIRACULOUS mind…  
  
*Ahem* To be continued… 


	3. Zim has a MIRACULOUS mind. MIRACULOUS!

-Disclaimer-  
  
You know it all, people. Mmmyep.  
  
-Note-  
  
You people have made me happy, so I'm sitting here typing this, eatin' cheese crackers and watching Spongebob Squarepants. Hey, Mom, can you get me a can of Poop…?  
  
-You may now proceed onto the more interesting part of this thing-  
  
Zim grinned and got that bloodthirsty look on his face as he gazed at the phone. "I've got an idea, GIR! Perhaps we can persuade the human STINKS into believing that I am their leader. Soon all shall be bowing before me, ZIM!"  
  
"Can't we order tacos?" GIR asked, but Zim had already scrambled down to his lab. Before long, he arose from the toilet, with the neighborhood's telephone book in his arms. He rushed over, snatched up the phone, flipped the book open, and dialed the first number.  
  
The phone was immediately picked up by a woman. "Hello, Katherine Miggs here!"  
  
Zim ignored her and plunged right in with his idea. "Greetings, stinkworm! I am Zim, and I am calling to inform you that I have become ruler of this filthy planet. You are to come to Stewpud Square at 1:00 p.m. sharp, where you will WORSHIP me! If you do not, I shall hunt you down and lob off your head with my lasers! LASERS! LASERS! LASERS!"  
  
There was a pause on the other end of the line. "Is this a prank? The Mickey Mouse Club is coming on soon, and my children and I were preparing to watch it."  
  
"Prank?" Zim asked. "No, of course not. This is no prank. You are to listen to my instructions, pigworm. If not… Then ZIM will forbid you to watch your stupid, pathetic show."  
  
Katherine gasped. "No Mickey Mouse Club? Oh, I'll come!"  
  
Zim continued with this, calling every name in the book. At last, he came to the last name in the book… the Membranes. Please do not sue me, I am aware of the fact that M is not the last letter of the alphabet [I hope I am aware, in any case]. But… well, I am to say no more. The Dib fan girls are ready to pounce on me. They are armed. ARMED, I tell you.  
  
Zim dialed the number, glancing at the clock. 12:40 p.m. Almost one o'clock.  
  
There were four rings, and then the answering machine. Zim left a brief message, disguising his voice and stating that Dib should visit Stewpud Square and see about the commotion of some paranormal sightings. Zim hung up, confident.  
  
"Come on, GIR. Time to go to Stewpud Square."  
  
What a completely strange chapter. Ah well. To be continued. 


	4. The Arrival at Stewpud Square

-Note-  
  
I've already stated the disclaimer and stuff in the previous chapters, so you should be aware now that none of the Zim characters belong to me, though I wish they did. Thank you for all the reviews. You people are the people who drive me to continue writin', dudes! WHOOO!  
  
-Story time, story time!-  
  
Zim quickly threw on his disguise, stuffed GIR into his dog suit, and leashed him up. "Come on, GIR!" he cried, noting that it was 12:50 p.m. "We have to arrive at Stewpud Square on time!"  
  
"O-o-o-kay, Master!" the robot giggled, sticking his tongue out of his mouth. Zim hurriedly flung open the door and dragged GIR outside.  
  
Once outside, Zim consulted a map in his gloved hand. "Let's see… Stewpud Square, Stewpud Square… There!" He balled his fist, smacking it against the map. "That's where it is. Come on, GIR!"  
  
Zim quickly ran all the way to Stewpud Square, GIR bouncing and dragging along behind him. When they had reached their destination, the two set their eyes on a growing crowd of people. Zim grinned maniacally and rudely shoved through the crowd, reaching a grassy, fairly high hill, which he ascended and took his perch upon, GIR seated beside his feet.  
  
"People of Earth!" Zim yelled, raising his gloved hands into the air. "It is I, your greatest, most AMAZING new leader! Your president has resigned from his filthy throne, and has left me to rule the whole PLANET! Bow to ZIM!"  
  
A few gullible people fell to their knees and bowed, but the majority of the crowd glared at him. "Bow to you?" asked an incredulous man. "Why would we bow to you?"  
  
"I am your new leader!" Zim yelled, attempting to maintain a cool attitude. Yet already he could feel his temper getting the best of him.  
  
"You're stupid," a woman carrying a slumbering baby remarked. "You're supposed to lead us in a convincing speech about the rights and laws of the people."  
  
Zim snickered. "Alright then. Law #1 ( Always bow in Zim's presence."  
  
A great many people groaned in disagreement, but this time, everyone fell to their knees ( except for one person.  
  
"You!" Zim yelled. "I clearly stated law #1, and you are to obey it! Obey it, you hear me?!"  
  
"Heh!" came the reply of a haughty voice. "I'd never bow to you, Zim!" Zim gasped in surprise as he realized that the person who had broken the law was Dib.  
  
"The Dib," Zim sneered.  
  
"Will you stop calling me that?!" Dib yelled, frustrated. "Can't you understand that my name is DIB, not THE Dib?"  
  
"Of course I can," Zim snorted. "I just enjoy annoying your bloated head."  
  
OW! I was just whacked over the head by an angry Dib fan. How I must suffer in order to entertain.  
  
"My head isn't bloated, stupid," Dib snarled. "And if it is, it's only because my brain is bigger than yours!"  
  
Now, the bowing crowd of people was simply confused as Dib and Zim continued to argue about the size of their heads and brains. They hadn't a clue of what was occurring.  
  
"Why is that big-headed kid not listening to him?" a pudgy man asked.  
  
OW!! That punch will leave a nice bruise in the morning.  
  
"I don't know," an old woman replied. "But look ( they're hitting each other."  
  
~Ahem~ To be continued. 


	5. Zim and Dib can never seem to settle any...

-Note-  
  
Sorry this took so long to get out, I had other matters on mind and didn't feel ready to continue with the story. However ~ahem~, now that I have returned, you may read my story. As for the new ~ symbols… Let's just say I've been reading a little too much Hooked On Kara ~cough cough~… Okay, only Bree will get that. Oh well. Oh yeah, I am an everybody fan. I love 'em all. If I HAD to pick one as a favorite, it would be Zim, though. But anyway… READ ONWARD, SPOOTHEADS!  
  
-… Um… reading onward-  
  
And what the elderly woman proclaimed was true; Dib and Zim had resorted to a violent battle, smacking and wrestling each other.  
  
"What are those idiots doing?" a skeptical young boy asked his mother.  
  
"Now, now, Gregory," she scolded him. "Just because they really ARE idiots, doesn't mean you can speak about them that way."  
  
"Can we stop bowing now?" somebody whined, and as one should know, once one person starts whining, it causes the whole group surrounding him to act whiney and babyish, and had I been there, I might have stuffed their faces full with pacifiers to shut them up and treat them babyishly. But that's just me, and I wasn't there, anyway.  
  
Finally, Dib shoved Zim and sent him rolling down the hill. Dib quickly scrambled to his feet and whipped out a megaphone from some unknown pocket in his flashy trench coat. I wish I could do that.  
  
"Citizens, hear me!" Dib yelled. "This ALIEN is NOT our new leader! This was a trick to getting you STUPID GULLIBLE people into believing him, so he could rule you single-handedly! You know what, you're just the most gullible people I have EVER seen! And Zim, your stupid little paranormal sighting message didn't fool me! I knew it was you!"  
  
Zim snorted. "Not until you came and saw what was happening," he argued, which just caused another endless argument.  
  
"Dude, man, I'm leaving," a teenage boy spat, rising to his feet and striding away. A few lovesick girls flounced off after him.  
  
When Zim and Dib had finally ended their dispute, half of the crowd had vacated and left to their homes. Dib smiled triumphantly.  
  
"Ha! They didn't wait around, Zim! They didn't believe you! Good prevails once again!"  
  
Zim quickly snatched the megaphone from Dib's grasp and yelled into it. "Earthenoids, return at this moment! Zim COMMANDS you to return, for he is ZIM!" A few people, whom are probably the most stupid types of people Dib, or anyone, for that matter, would ever come across, turned upon their heels and headed back. The brighter ones simply ignored Zim's shouts.  
  
Dib hurriedly retrieved the megaphone. "This is my chance!" he crowed. "People! Zim, your so-called leader, is actually an alien! Look at him! The green skin! The lack of a nose and ears ( don't you see the resemblance of an ALIEN? Doesn't he seem inhumane?"  
  
"Oh, like, puh-lease!" a girl clad in a tight pink shirt and a skimpy jean skirt sneered. "Who would believe some dope with a big head?"  
  
"My head isn't big!" said bigheaded Dib [ouch for me], stomping his feet in frustration. "It's a perfectly normal size! And I'm not dopey! One day I'll throw this ALIEN on a dissection table, and you'll all gasp when you realize the truth of a matter ( he's an alien! And then you'll thank me, YOU'LL ALL THANK ME!"  
  
"Argh!" Zim yelled, frustrated. He quickly grabbed GIR, who had been sitting stupidly and giggling at the situation the whole while, and hurried down the hill. "We're going to have to try and think of a different prank, GIR! One more convincing!"  
  
"Ooh, let's stop at Krazy Taco!" GIR squealed. "I LOVE Krazy Taco!"  
  
Zim burst into the base, set GIR down, and gave this some thought while Dib continued to argue with the preppy girl about his head not being big in the far distance. "Tacos…" Zim said slowly. "That's it!"  
  
Bum, bum, bum… To be continued. 


	6. Ah. Mind control=tasty ending!

A/N: Narf.  
  
"No! Not the tacos, master!" GIR wailed.  
  
"Shut up GIR," Zim spat. He then proceeded to call the whole neighborhood--- -minus Dib and his family----and told them that free tacos were being sold at his 'normal human house'.  
  
Gullible idiots flocked to the base, and Zim welcomed them in menacingly. "Yes, yes, step right up to your DOOM----I mean, tacos! Yes, wonderful Doom Tacos! The newest, GREATEST brand!"  
  
One by one, a person entered the base to receive their non existent taco. Once stepping in, Zim immediately stunned them with a laser gun and implanted mind control chips in their heads. When he had the whole neighborhood----minus Dib and his family----lying limply on the floors of his base, controlled by his GREATNESS [And, of course, with help from those chips. But no, the Zim-ness controlled them mostly, of course! Ain't that right?], Zim smiled widely. "My plan… is almost complete!" he shouted.  
  
Zim hurried down to his lab, stepping over motionless brain-controlled bodies, and seated himself. He began typing fiercely into a keyboard connected to one of his amazing machines. In an instant, every body in his base stood up all zombie-like and evacuated the base. Zim typed in various codes that targeted them to the Dib-worm's house. Their mission----DESTROY THE DIB HUMAN! [Insert insane Zim cackle and a painful kick from a Dib fan here.]  
  
==YEAH! WHOO! YEAH! WHOO! YEAH! WHOO! YEAH! WHOO! YEAH! WHOO! YEAH! WHOO! YEAH! WHOO!== - …don't ask about this seriously freaked up divider.  
  
"Son, daughter, what's all that pounding?" Professor Membrane asked from his lab as he paused in his work.  
  
"I don't know!" Dib yelled from his room. He crept over to his window and peered through the shades, only to find mindless citizens pounding against the walls of his house. "Ack! What's all this?"  
  
"GRAH! Dib, tell your stupid paranormal friends to go away! If I lose this game, they won't be the only ones hurting!" Gaz warned.  
  
"They're not my friends, Gaz!" Dib cried frantically. "I don't even have any friends! Wait a minute, I just dissed myself! Oh my geebus, I really need some Tylenol."  
  
"Yeah, whatever Dib, just shut them up, okay? Stop being crazy for once."  
  
"I am NOT crazy!" Dib retorted. "I just have a headache. Ow. Oww. That stupid prep in pink's high girl-y voice hurts my ears. And my head. Ow."  
  
"DIB, JUST SHUT THEM UP!"  
  
"Okay, okay… but I don't know them, mind you!" Dib yelled as he hurried down the stairs. He opened the door and glared at the crowd staring hungrily back at him. "Okay, what do you want? No wait, I don't want to know. Go sell magazines somewhere else. Good-bye!" he slammed the door, but only moments later, the crowd began pounding again, and this time, someone managed to break a window! Wow!  
  
Professor Membrane stormed upstairs from his lab. "Son, please! I know you are insane, but really, there's no need to be breaking windows and wreaking havoc!"  
  
"I am NOT insane!" Dib protested. "Besides, it's not even ME doing all this stuff!"  
  
"Yeah, but it's your friends. Or at least the people who want to rip you to pieces," Gaz said, stomping into the room. At the last remark, she smiled slyly. "That wouldn't be too bad, though."  
  
Dib was about to reply when people began falling through the shattered window and into the house. "Target: Dib," a man said, rising to his feet.  
  
"Ah!" Dib yelled, hiding behind Professor Membrane, whom was oblivious to the person's hunger of killing his son.  
  
"Hello, young man," Professor Membrane greeted. "Now, now, I don't sign autographs at this hour. The schedule is much too tight for it!"  
  
The man, of course, ignored him, and rudely shoved him away. He glared down at Dib. "Target: Dib," he repeated, his eyes glowing crimson. Dib yelled and leapt out of the way, just as a crimson laser beam shot forth and set fire to the patch of carpet where Dib had been standing. Dib leapt up, his trench coat swaying. I love his trench coat. I want it. Please, Dib, can I have it? "Take this!" Dib yelled, swinging his fist and delivering a rather weak punch to the back of the man's head----weak, but strong enough to somehow get the chip flying out. It hit the ground and Dib spotted it immediately.  
  
"Wha… what happened?" the man groaned. Dib ignored him and snatched the chip up, hurrying down to his father's lab, where he identified it. "A mind control device?" Dib gasped. He hacked into the coding and glared. "Zim! Zim's been doing this! Well, guess what, Zim? Dib's strikin' back!" Dib immediately began typing into his laptop, just as the swarm of mind- controlled people broke into the house completely. There were shouts and groans and snickers above. Dib continued typing like a madman.  
  
"Come on, come on," he muttered, his fingers flying over the keys. Already, the people were clambering down the steps of the lab----advancing on him.  
  
"Got it!" Dib hollered, hitting the enter key. "Buh-bye, zombies of doom!"  
  
All of the zombie-people collapsed.  
  
"And Dib prevails once again!" Dib yelled, leaping upon the desk and smiling triumphantly, only to tumble off and hit his greasy head against the floor. "Ow."  
  
Divider time!  
  
//Dib's greasy head is awesome [said to avoid pain from Dib fans]//Dib's greasy head is awesome [said to avoid pain from Dib fans]//  
  
The whole time, Zim had been watching from his lab. "AGH! He won! How did he win? It's not possible!" Zim raged. Growling savagely, he grabbed GIR and dragged him back up into the main part of the base, glaring at the phone.  
  
"You know what GIR, I hate phones. I hate them! They are of no use to wonderful invaders such as I, Zim! They… they suck. Yes. They do." Zim kicked his phone. "Trash it, GIR. Have your fun."  
  
And so, GIR obeyed his master [YAY! Once in a lifetime happening!], and ruined the phone beyond repair.  
  
And they all lived scarily ever after.  
  
~bow~ 


End file.
